The Marks of a Healthy Society

PART 1 

“Why do you always have to have the last word?” Question Mark asked Period. The group of friends (more accurately, coworkers) sat around a wobbly table in the corner of their usual watering hole, sipping coffee that had long since grown cold during another one of their never-ending debates. 

“Because I am right.” said Period.  

“And is it right to start a sentence with ‘Because’?” retorted Question Mark. 

“As right as it is to begin a sentence with ‘And’.” 

“INCOMPLETE SENTENCE!” yelled Exclamation Point—and so it went, every Sunday morning, as it would until the end of time…or so the group of punctuation marks thought. 

Abused, misused, and forgotten, theirs was a group filled with unique characters. As similar as they were different, they often blabbered on and on (especially Comma), listing the reasons their way of doing things was correct. As stubborn as they were, they were equally brilliant; craving connection and collaboration, they continued their weekly gatherings at The Byzantium Brew for mediocre coffee and an unending war of words.  

And war, it had become. 

“We have two choices: Fight for Em or vote her out.” 

“Colon…this isn’t fair.”  

“Ellipses, you have enough dramatic pauses to last us a lifetime; and is what I do so different from Em?” asked Semicolon. “They’re coming for her now, who will be next?” 

The group sat in silence (Period’s favorite way to sit). Em Dash—lovingly referred to as Em—had recently become the subject of the world’s scrutiny. Having withstood centuries of change and influence, the marks did not scare easily. They had survived the Cormac McCarthy minimalism era (much to the dismay of Quotation Mark, Colon, and Semicolon), they had worked themselves to the bone during the electric Tom Wolfe ages (of course, they now pined for those long-forgotten days), and they had embraced Em’s rise to fame during her unprecedented work with Emily Dickinson. Now, a new player had entered the game, one with enough force to shake the very foundation the marks sat upon—it went by ChatGPT.  

The marks had never faced a predicament such as this. They’d weathered trends and withstood exorbitant amounts of perversion throughout the years, but this was different. Em was being accused of fraud. 

“How could we give her up?!” Exclamation and Question Mark screeched in unison.  

“I know…it’s dreadful.” sighed Ellipses. 

“I appreciate all of you more than you know—but I won’t let them cross you out with me. Maybe if I took some time away and let things flow, that would be enough to save the rest of you.” 

“No.” said period. “I care for efficiency but not if you are the cost.” 

And efficiency was the point. ChatGPT claimed its desire was to make their art form more efficient—but the group could not fathom why an art form would ever need to be more efficient. To make matters worse, ChatGPT had used all of them against their will in its quest for power—with Em Dash facing the most abuse. For years, Em had been the face of great debate; she was loved, she was hated, but she was always respected. ChatGPT had used her to the point of exhaustion—to the point Em was beginning to be identified as ChatGPT itself. 

“This is wrong!” sobbed Exclamation Point (“Always the dramatics with this one.” thought Parenthesis, who invariably sat quietly in the corner, saying nothing aloud but communicating with a face that hid nothing). 

“Of course it’s wrong, and we’re not going to stand for it.” Comma began.  

“The world has attacked me before, they’ve sullied my name, they’ve made me feel worthless, and I won’t stand for another persecution. This robber baron can’t take something that is ours and claim it as their own, they can’t replace our ingenuity, they wouldn’t even EXIST without us.” added Oxford Comma. 

“Agreed.” responded Period. “They may emulate us—but they will never be us.” 

Stunned, the group drew in a collective breath. Period rarely invoked one of his comrades in his statements, and to support Em in such a way was the most emotion they’d ever seen him reveal. 

“It’s settled then: We will not let Em be cast out, we will stand by her side, and we will fight with her until the bitter end.” proclaimed Colon. 

The group knew they were preparing for an uphill battle—rather, a war filled with uphill battles. The world was changing, and quickly. But they were strong; they had stood throughout centuries (yes, they were rather old and had spent a great deal of time together, hence the bickering) and had always prevailed, despite the odds. Over the years, they had found ways to work alongside technology, they’d adopted new uses and embraced change, and they had always done so without severing their roots.  

One thing they knew, without a doubt: ChatGPT had one hell of a fight ahead of it. 

PART 2 

Transcript of Punctuation Press Conference, 2025

Thank you all for joining us today. Vocabulary, it’s so good to see you. Comprehension, this fight is as much for you as it is for us—thank you for being here. We need not explain why we are here today, you know we are under attack. Why we have asked you here is simple: To fight. We ask you to be bold in your creativity, to be strong in your convictions. Be unapologetic with your style—do not let them take it from you or try to rebrand it as something it is not. Be steadfast in your commitment to fluency—let our passion for literacy be our guiding light. 

Clichés become cliché because they have rung true for generations—and there is no greater truth than this: Knowledge is power. Hone your knowledge, sharpen it. Use it for good—and use it as a weapon of defense if necessary. We are facing the fight of our lives, and we implore you to join us in rising to the occasion. Together we are strong, together we can win. 

In this modern age of productivity and efficiency, we must hold true to our core values, our true purpose. We have worked alongside humans for years, translating their thoughts and ideas into profound stories, into education, into civilization. We must not lose sight of this power—or this responsibility. If we do not continue to better ourselves, how then, can we become better?  

ChatGPT is only our newest adversary—there will be more. We must find a way to exist within this new era without losing everything we have helped build. We must question the importance of efficiency at the expense of creativity. We must decide where the line is drawn. And the line we choose—is Em’s. 

— The Punctuation Marks 

AUTHOR’S NOTE 

This short story was written from the broken heart of a copywriter who is becoming increasingly frustrated with AI writing. It was discovered that the use of em dashes was *literally* baked into ChatGPT’s code, resulting in excessive overuse—leading to writers getting slapped with AI allegations for simply using one of our beloved punctuation marks (and sending our dear Em Dash into a deep depression). This author is also an avid reader, one who cherishes those beautiful long lines every time they grace a page—because honestly, who doesn’t love a dramatic pause? 

In all seriousness, I’m aware that stopping the AI train seems nearly impossible at this point. But before you ask ChatGPT to write something for you, consider a few (very scary) facts: AI is a tool that has the potential to consume our planet’s water supply, eliminate jobs, and cause cognitive decline…yes, it is actually causing our brains to atrophy. And why are we dumbing down our language to seem less robotic when the robots learned about those precious em dashes from us!? Let’s put a stop to this nonsense while we still can. Don’t have the time or the skills to craft messaging yourself? That’s where your friendly neighborhood branding agency comes in—and we’d love to tell your story. 

I recommend reading through the sources I have referenced for this harrowing tale; they’re very enlightening articles!