Punny or Not: Your Dad Joke Survival List

“I’m hungry” (“Hi hungry, I’m Dad!”)  Ah, a good dad joke, is there anything better? They are great for any occasion and will always make you laugh, no matter what mood you’re in. A great dad joke is almost always a variation on a pun and a punchline that’s both super ridiculous and obscure. As in the classic, “what do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.” With the holidays upon us, I have been building my arsenal, and as a way to give back, I am sharing them with you. These so-bad-they’re-good one-liners, puns, and funny jokes are going to make you the life of the party. Don’t believe me? Test them out on your friends and family during the holidays; you’re guaranteed to get a laugh from at least one of them.

1. Did you get a hair cut? No, I got them all cut.
2. Do you have a hole in your sock? No? Well then how did you get your foot in?
3. How do you get a tissue to dance? Put a little boogie in it.
4. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
   
5. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
6. Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
7. Did you hear the joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tear-able.
8. Did you hear about the guy who invented tic tacs? They say he made a mint.
   
9. How do prisoners talk to each other? Cell phones.
   
   
10. Where do polar bears keep their money? The snow bank.
11. What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain.
12. Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
13. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
14. What the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.
15. What the fish say when it ran into a wall? Dam.
    
    
16. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
17. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
18. Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money? It suffered from withdrawals.
    
19. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
    
    
20. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
21. What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
22. Why shouldn’t you purchase Velcro? It’s a rip-off.
23. What’s blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
24. I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
25. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.

Have any favorite dad jokes you want to share? Send them my way todd@batesmeron.com!